This ageing thing.

I'm getting old. Well of course I am although the correct phrase would be getting older. We all are. Every second of every day.  But sometimes, like when your godson turns 18 you are reminded of the process.  

We went to a lovely family party for his birthday yesterday but it was a reminder of how quickly those 18 years have passed. But by virtue of a photo wall we could also see all the things he's done during that time.

Nick's mum was there and she hasn't been well lately. By the time she went home she seemed unwell again but it was difficult to tell how much of it was due to exhaustion.  She is 86. Old. But still mentally alert although physically frail. But she loves to see all the extended family and sometimes tries to stay too long at these things.

I think we can all be guilty of that, frightened of missing anything.  Although some things, for example your children's drunken behaviour, is best not witnessed.  Watching all our children and their cousins developing into fine young people is a blessing. But suddenly we find ourselves as the older generation and it doesn't always sit well with me.  Where did the time go? How much time is left? What should I be doing with my time.

A crossroads is approaching.  I used to enjoy my job and look forward to going to work. I'm not able to say that at the moment. For lots of reasons. But it is not a nice feeling.  So that raises questions. Should I change jobs? Scary, as the grass may not be greener elsewhere. Should I retire? Financially it could be viable but I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  I think I need to give things time and see if they improve. Change is a scary thing.  We've had enough this year already with the first marriage in our immediate family, another being considered and the empty nest to contend with.  

I just need more time in the day to get everything done but this time thing - it's all rather elusive.