J is for Jam

This year I decided not to tie myself to a theme.  I wanted to do something that felt more like writing rather than composing posts.  I didn’t want it to be a story that had to be followed from start to finish so what I’ve ended up with are: “Conversations in my Head”.

Can we talk about Jam?

Only if it’s on toast and next to my bed Alice.

I’ve told you before I’m your muse not your maid.  Talk to Hubby about that.

I can’t work on an empty stomach Alice.

Why not?  I do it all the time.

Well I wouldn’t think you’d want to talk about jam when it was jam tarts that nearly landed you in big trouble.

Fair point.  But I do like talking about food.  Especially sweet things.  And I know that you like sweet things too.  Cakes, biscuits, chocolates, it’s no wonder you don’t like talking about what the scales are showing each week. 

Yes I think the scales might need a new battery.

Ha ha nice try.  Nothing wrong with the scales.  But at least you’ve stopped baking things every week.  I remember cakes, brownies, occasional healthy bars.

Yes well as you so kindly pointed out, the scales disagree with me making cakes etc. because I usually end up eating more of them than anyone else.

Willpower.  That’s what you need.  And maybe take up jogging.  Oh no that didn’t go too well last time.

It’s hard to jog with a voice jabbering in your head.

I never came jogging with you!

Not you Alice.  Sarah Millican.

Sarah who?  Sarah who?  Since when have I been competing for your time?

Stop fretting Alice.  I used an app to try and get me jogging and you had the choice of 4 people that would give you instructions as you went along – when to walk, when to start running, when to stop etc.  And I chose Sarah Millican.  She’s a comedian.

Oh.  Oh well I guess that’s ok.  But shouldn’t she be a comedienne?

Well it can be a bit confusing these days Alice keeping up with the correct terminology.  Sometimes it’s easier to avoid gender terms altogether.

But we can’t all be men.

No, thank goodness.  It would make toilet seats redundant.

Ahem.  That’s quite a sexist remark.  Please don’t attribute it to me.

But Alice all my prose is attributed to you.  You keep telling me you’re my muse so how can any of this writing be my own?

Now you’re just trying to be clever.

Perhaps we should have stuck to jam, although jam is more likely to stick to us don’t you think?

Alice?