Getting back into gear.

It's Mother's Day in the US today but we celebrated back in March.  However yesterday (13th May) was my daughter's birthday, her first as a Mum.  It was also the 5th anniversary of the death of my Mum so it's a day that made me think about Motherhood.  Strangely, my Mother took her leave at the exact time that my daughter entered the world, 4.13 am give or take a minute or two.  This picture is my Mum and me.

 

 

 

 

Mum with Rebecca

Rebecca with Nathan

My Mum didn't have perhaps the best example of motherhood.  Her Mum didn't make things easy for her.  As the eldest of 4 girls Mum was often looking out for her sisters.  Money was tight and having gained a place at the local grammar school only one set of uniform could be afforded.  Mum did a lot of overnight washing to ensure she was always clean and tidy for school.  The start of her married life was spent living under the same roof as her parents where she had the lion's share of housework to do.  And despite sharing the house until I was born (by which time my brothers were 12 and 7) there was very little babysitting done by my grandmother.

Fortunately for me that led to my Mum being very different.  She was mostly there for all of our childhoods, only taking part time jobs once I was older.  Once I was married and had children of my own she was always willing to babysit.  We lived close by and in addition to the babysitting she was often at our house, doing ironing, cooking and just generally being another pair of hands and of course helping with the kids, reading, playing games and so on.  I don't think I would have done such a good job of bringing up my kids without her help or example.  That might sound like bragging but I think my kids are genuinely the sort any parent would be proud to call their own.  They also had a great example set to them by their other Grandparents.  So it's definitely been a team effort and of course hubby played his part too.

Hopefully some of this has been absorbed by my daughter now that she's embarking on her own Motherhood journey.  Followers here will know it's been a bumpy start.  Baby Nathan was 6 weeks old on Friday but he's still only just over 5lb.  He is doing well but it's been hard watching my daughter having to cope with all the uncertainty.  The constant round of expressing milk.  Trekking backwards and forwards to the hospital.  Leaving him behind everyday.  The constant checks and ups and downs are naturally causing her and her wife to be anxious.  Thankfully it's definitely more ups as he gets bigger and stronger but I am so proud of the way they have coped.

We spent time with them yesterday and managed to get out for a birthday lunch but they were both constantly checking their phones for the time and messages.  Fortunately there was no call back from the hospital and all was fine.  We made it back in time for Nathan's next feed and although it wasn't how she expected to be spending her birthday this year I think Becca enjoyed it.

I realised though this week that I've been wallowing a bit.  It's understandable I know, given I witnessed the birth first hand and have lived through this difficult time along with them.  And of course anniversaries remind us of loved ones we've lost.  My children were lucky enough to have my mum in their lives for at least 20 years but I did miss her yesterday.  She would have been so proud of my daughter and would have made such fuss of the baby (if she'd been in her right mind).  But she would also have been giving me a good talking to along the lines of "Yes it's hard watching your kids struggle with situations and it's hard not being able to cuddle the baby yet but the world's still turning and there are still things to be done.  Get off your backside and back into gear!"

Thanks Mum, for everything.

Is your cyber life death prepared?

A blog friend posted tonight about how friends just suddenly stop blogging and disappear.  Except they don't vanish into a black hole because their blog remains as it was since their last entry was posted.   And unless you know that person in real life you may never know what happened or if they are going to return after a break for whatever reason.

That started me thinking about what would happen to my blog when I die.  I know that many people choose to blog anonymously so unlike your funeral wishes (I wrote about that here in my post A letter to my Children.) those left behing might not even know there is a blog to deal with let alone what to do with it.

My Facebook pages and things like Goodreads are seen by other family members so I'm sure, eventually, something would be done about those.  My blog is only seen by one member of my extended family so I'm relying on her to close it down.  She's pretty internet savvy so I'm sure she'll work it out.  I'm also now a lot older than her due to her insistence of not aging beyond a certain point despite there being only 4 months between our birthdays!

Hopefully this won't be an issue for my family just yet but with the ever expanding virtual world there are so many things that could need closing down and removing from the web.  Although we all know that once something is put out on the internet you can never completely remove it. 

Going paperless is a good thing but it's hard to follow a virtual trail.

It's sad that it's taken a bereavement to bring this all to mind.  This is the first year when neither hubby or I have Mothers to visit/call on Mother's Day (tomorrow here in the UK) but I had a delivery of lovely flowers and chocolates from my daughter today so that cheered me up.  She's currently in Rome so I won't see her until later in the week but thanks to the internet we have been able to be in touch.

There are lots of good things to be said for the internet and the advances in technology but sometimes I do think the changes and innovations are happening so fast we don't have time to consider all the implications.  Maybe I need to revisit that letter to my children!

It's the little things....10/12/15

So drum roll please, blogging four days in a row.  Maybe I can make this into a good habit but let's not get ahead of myself.

I've been tackling some things on my immediate to do list again today.  I investigated switching some of my tax allowance, which I am not using, to my husband.  There have been notices about how this is possible thanks to the re-introduction of marriage allowance.  I was all excited about this.  Even gathered the papers together that the website said I would need. But we failed at the first hurdle!  Apparently hubby earns so much that the Government considers he doesn't need the benefit of marriage allowance.  Oh well, at least I can cross it off my to do list.

Seems to be the way of things, 3 steps forward, 1 (or sometimes 2,3 or more (yikes) back!  I needed to gather together the old portable TVs we have around the house to get the council to collect them.  Now we've become digital the portables are outdated.  Anyway in locating one I noticed a box of my Mum's stuff that I've been meaning to throw out for a while.  However, when I started going through the box I realised that I'm not ready to just throw it out.  It's mainly cards that my Dad sent her over the years - he always bought her beautiful cards with lovely words in them.   But there were also telegrams he sent her during the war (WW2) and his time in the army.  Plus telegrams they received on their wedding.  I even found the name tag from when I was born.  So many memories.

Well of course I can't just get rid of those.  They're part of our family history and should be kept but in a way that's relevant.  So I think I'm going to photograph the cards and create an electronic record - it's interesting to see how styles changed over the years.  I also plan to make a scrapbook of the other documents that can be passed on. 

That task has been added to my long term tasks and although I didn't achieve much with that box today, just allocating it as a future task and having a plan for what I need to do makes me feel more positive about the box just sitting where it is.  It's on the plan now and I'm on a mission.

And the TVs are ready to put outside the house tomorrow to be collected!  Baby steps, baby steps!

An Epiphany (of sorts) 2/10/15

Those of you who follow me regularly will know that my life underwent a major change earlier this year when I stopped working.   I had been working full time for many years in what had become a very stressful job and I just stopped.  It was very much a “stop the world I want to get off” moment.  There were quite a few dark days.  I’m still adjusting to the change in circumstances and dealing with the upset of it all.  I try and keep busy but I haven’t really made long term plans.  I have things I want to do but I’ve not really made a lot of headway with them.

One of the things I have done is got back into blogging reasonably regularly.  Blogging is something I really enjoy.  Many of you will know that I did this by launching myself into the A-Z Challenge last April.  I’ve met a lot of lovely bloggers from there and by taking part in the Wednesday Hodgepodge I’ve met more. 

One person that I follow is Jane at The Witty Ways of a Wayward Wife.  Jane is a published author and is really funny.  While we were away last week I read her book (The Changing Room).  It tells the story of a woman at a certain age who has a chaotic life and a mother with Alzheimer’s. 

 “Sandy Lovett's confused mother and chaotic life are having an effect on her waistline. She knows she needs to change her life but doesn't know how until she buys a risqué dress which sets in motion a sequence of life-changing events.  After years as a mother, carer and full-time employee, Sandy quits her job and places her mother in a care home, and life seems on the up.”

Of course things are never that simple as the book goes on to show.  

Having had the experience of a Mother with Alzheimer’s and placing her into a care home there was lots in the book that I could relate to.  One thing that did strike home to me from a particular part of the book was that if my Mum was around today and in command of her faculties she would be giving me a kick up the backside and telling me to get on with things.  It was a wakeup call.  So thanks Jane, I think.

I have been better this week – I’ve got up earlier and I’ve started work in one of our spare bedrooms.  I need to strip the wallpaper off to see how good/bad the surfaces are underneath then get a plasterer in to do the ceiling and possibly the walls before I continue with decorating.  Hopefully having started I will continue!  I do have the incentive of next year’s wedding and probably having guests to stay to spur me on.

I nearly signed up for another blog challenge too but that required posting every day in October and with the wedding coming up very soon I decided that might be pushing things too far.  I have my outfit now but I still need to get accessories.  On Sunday I’m going with my daughter for her first fitting of her dress so that’s exciting.  Hopefully there might be time to look for my accessories too.

I’m thankful for the power of prayer today.  My MIL has come through her surgery for breast cancer so we can all breathe a sigh of relief for that.  At 87 any time under an anaesthetic is a worry.  Hopefully she will be feeling much better for the wedding.  It wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t there.

A - Z Challenge - M is for Mother

My theme for this challenge is family and relations.

Mother “a female parent of a child”

I was very lucky with my mother.  She was also my friend.  Born in 1922 in the East End of London, the eldest of four daughters she didn’t always have it easy.  I think she was quite put upon by her mum.  She was accepted at the local grammar school but her parents didn’t want her to go – the uniform was expensive for them.  Mum ended up with only one shirt which she would wash out and dry each day.  When they were first married my parents lived with my grandparents and I think Mum ended up with the lion’s share of the housework.

She met and married my Dad during the Second World War and they were a good example of a happy marriage.  As I said in earlier blogs she was a very caring person.  She was also a very friendly person.  She could strike up a conversation with most people.  When my children were young she would visit most days and was a great help in many ways but in particular with my ironing, especially when I had four people in shirts Monday to Friday.  She didn’t interfere, at least not very often – and if she did it was usually because I needed to listen! 

I think losing my Dad at an early age (I was only 22, Mum was only 59) brought us closer together.  I was still living at home at the time and some things were a steep learning curve for my Mum.  She’d never written a cheque up until then – my Dad had always taken care of the financial side of things so I had to step in and help Mum out.  But she was a quick learner and never wanted to be a burden to anyone.

 
My kids loved her and they were a great support to me during Mum’s later years when she succumbed to Alzheimer’s and she spent her final years in a nursing home.  She died in 2012 just short of her 90th birthday.  She was named Ada after her mum so she was always known by her middle name of Gladys, usually shortened to Glad and I’m sure everyone who knew her was glad to have done so, especially me!

Getting the hang of things

Well I think I’m settling in to Blogger as my site of choice.  I’ve linked it to google reader and I’m now able to catch up with everyone there and link back to your posts.   

I’ve decided just to post links to my blogs on the sites where my other friends are e.g. Blogster and Ipernity so that you can keep up too.  I’ve enabled anonymous commenting so you should all be able to leave comments on the BLOGGER pages but I have set them to be moderated so don’t panic if they don’t appear straight away.  Just lets me stop any silly comments showing up.  

Not sure how frequently I’ll be blogging once I get back to work, 2 weeks today :(  time will tell.  We have different attitudes to change.  Some people seem to thrive on change and embrace it.  Others like me probably don’t like it too much but you have to get on with it.  Losing my Mum this year has meant changes.  I no longer have to work out when to fit visiting in or getting her washing done.  So life is easier in that respect but there is a gaping hole that has to be filled.  

Grief is a funny thing.  I expected that having felt as if I was already grieving for Mum over such a long time as she was gradually lost to us through the Alzheimer’s that her passing would be a relief, a time to move on.  I was kidding myself if I thought I’d done my grieving.  I know it will get easier, experience tells me that it will.