Getting back into gear.

It's Mother's Day in the US today but we celebrated back in March.  However yesterday (13th May) was my daughter's birthday, her first as a Mum.  It was also the 5th anniversary of the death of my Mum so it's a day that made me think about Motherhood.  Strangely, my Mother took her leave at the exact time that my daughter entered the world, 4.13 am give or take a minute or two.  This picture is my Mum and me.

 

 

 

 

Mum with Rebecca

Rebecca with Nathan

My Mum didn't have perhaps the best example of motherhood.  Her Mum didn't make things easy for her.  As the eldest of 4 girls Mum was often looking out for her sisters.  Money was tight and having gained a place at the local grammar school only one set of uniform could be afforded.  Mum did a lot of overnight washing to ensure she was always clean and tidy for school.  The start of her married life was spent living under the same roof as her parents where she had the lion's share of housework to do.  And despite sharing the house until I was born (by which time my brothers were 12 and 7) there was very little babysitting done by my grandmother.

Fortunately for me that led to my Mum being very different.  She was mostly there for all of our childhoods, only taking part time jobs once I was older.  Once I was married and had children of my own she was always willing to babysit.  We lived close by and in addition to the babysitting she was often at our house, doing ironing, cooking and just generally being another pair of hands and of course helping with the kids, reading, playing games and so on.  I don't think I would have done such a good job of bringing up my kids without her help or example.  That might sound like bragging but I think my kids are genuinely the sort any parent would be proud to call their own.  They also had a great example set to them by their other Grandparents.  So it's definitely been a team effort and of course hubby played his part too.

Hopefully some of this has been absorbed by my daughter now that she's embarking on her own Motherhood journey.  Followers here will know it's been a bumpy start.  Baby Nathan was 6 weeks old on Friday but he's still only just over 5lb.  He is doing well but it's been hard watching my daughter having to cope with all the uncertainty.  The constant round of expressing milk.  Trekking backwards and forwards to the hospital.  Leaving him behind everyday.  The constant checks and ups and downs are naturally causing her and her wife to be anxious.  Thankfully it's definitely more ups as he gets bigger and stronger but I am so proud of the way they have coped.

We spent time with them yesterday and managed to get out for a birthday lunch but they were both constantly checking their phones for the time and messages.  Fortunately there was no call back from the hospital and all was fine.  We made it back in time for Nathan's next feed and although it wasn't how she expected to be spending her birthday this year I think Becca enjoyed it.

I realised though this week that I've been wallowing a bit.  It's understandable I know, given I witnessed the birth first hand and have lived through this difficult time along with them.  And of course anniversaries remind us of loved ones we've lost.  My children were lucky enough to have my mum in their lives for at least 20 years but I did miss her yesterday.  She would have been so proud of my daughter and would have made such fuss of the baby (if she'd been in her right mind).  But she would also have been giving me a good talking to along the lines of "Yes it's hard watching your kids struggle with situations and it's hard not being able to cuddle the baby yet but the world's still turning and there are still things to be done.  Get off your backside and back into gear!"

Thanks Mum, for everything.

What's in a week?

A lot can happen in a week and it's been more than that since I've really been here in the blogging world.  I haven't even really been keeping up with my friends' sites that much.

Preparing for, and attending a funeral is exhausting.  It's not really physically challenging but coping with the emotions of it all take their toll.  I'm really tired and now a bug seems to have crept into my system and given me a sore throat and earache.  Today is a duvet day.  Today is look after me day.

Last week I looked after others.  My hubby of course.  Although I'm still not convinced he's fully taken in that his Mum has gone.  He did really well at her funeral, helping prepare and then read the eulogy.  He held it together.  As did our 3 children who did the readings.  I was worried that they would lose it and not be able to get their words out but they were brilliant.  It was also a bit strange in that now they all have their partners to look out for them.  My role has somewhat shifted.  Which is of course what you wish for them but it's on occasions like these that you notice it.

It was definitely a family affair as the  pall bearers were grandsons and other grandchildren did bidding prayers.  Nick's sister even managed to sing Panis Angelicus after communion.  She has a beautiful singing voice but how she held it together I do not know.

The whole day was definitely a celebration of Maureen, my Mother-in-law's life.  And so many people came.  The church was full.  It was a wonderful recognition of what a lovely person she was.  The Priest gave a very moving homily about how Maureen and her departed husband Leo had led by example and how their faith and morals were so evident in the 3 generations that survive them.

Only one grandchild was missing on the day, having just set off on far flung travels.  But everyone else was there and we were joined at the wake by so many people whose lives Maureen had touched.   If only all funerals could be like that.  Of course it was also sad.  One son-in-law was sobbing in the crematorium.   Maureen had been like a Mother to him.  

We left the wake at the end of the afternoon and my own family all came back here for a takeaway.  On the Friday we all got together again at Nick's brother's house.  We had time then to look through old photos and do some more reminiscing.

It will be strange without Maureen but I'm sure the closeness of the family will continue in her memory and there will be get togethers at anniversary times and so on.  Plus of course births and weddings, just hopefully no funerals for a while.

Getting the hang of things

Well I think I’m settling in to Blogger as my site of choice.  I’ve linked it to google reader and I’m now able to catch up with everyone there and link back to your posts.   

I’ve decided just to post links to my blogs on the sites where my other friends are e.g. Blogster and Ipernity so that you can keep up too.  I’ve enabled anonymous commenting so you should all be able to leave comments on the BLOGGER pages but I have set them to be moderated so don’t panic if they don’t appear straight away.  Just lets me stop any silly comments showing up.  

Not sure how frequently I’ll be blogging once I get back to work, 2 weeks today :(  time will tell.  We have different attitudes to change.  Some people seem to thrive on change and embrace it.  Others like me probably don’t like it too much but you have to get on with it.  Losing my Mum this year has meant changes.  I no longer have to work out when to fit visiting in or getting her washing done.  So life is easier in that respect but there is a gaping hole that has to be filled.  

Grief is a funny thing.  I expected that having felt as if I was already grieving for Mum over such a long time as she was gradually lost to us through the Alzheimer’s that her passing would be a relief, a time to move on.  I was kidding myself if I thought I’d done my grieving.  I know it will get easier, experience tells me that it will.