It's been a busy time here. We've had two rooms plastered but the plaster is still drying out so we can't move forward with painting just yet. This means the house is still upside down with the stuff emptied out of the two rooms being plastered. I've decided that the room that will be a spare bedroom is the priority so I will probably move as much as I can into the other room so that at least the rest of the house can get back to normal.
I'm not sure what normal is anymore though. Hubby is supposed to be at home Mondays and Tuesdays but it doesn't always work out like that. He was at work last Tuesday for example but this week looks like it will run to schedule.
But of course DIY never runs smoothly. My son and his wife were down for the weekend so we needed to put the mattress on the floor of the room that has just been plastered for them to sleep on. The mattress (and the rest of the dismantled bed) were in our box room. Long story short, we managed to break the window moving the mattress as the uprights toppled sideways! This was at about 7.30 pm Friday evening. Thankfully the damage is covered by our building insurance and they organised someone to come and make the window safe and they will also organise for it to be properly repaired.
But things could be worse. Today and tomorrow will be spent at funerals.
Today we went to the funeral of an old friend who we hadn't seem much of over the last few years as he and his family had moved out of London to Kings Lynn in Norfolk. In his late 50s, he was a keen cyclist and was fit and healthy. He was out on a cycle ride with friends when he just collapsed and died from a heart attack. A prime example of the fact you never know what life holds in store. Although it was shocking, Ray had led an active busy life. He had lots of interests and many friends. There were lots of people at the funeral celebrating a life well lived.
Unfortunately tomorrow will probably be harder. This funeral is for the nephew of hubby's brother. Sadly he was born very disabled and cognitively impaired. His parents have been brilliant at caring for him at home but he died suddenly of natural causes last week. He was only 30. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children so this will be a very sad day.
Both these deaths have reminded me how short life can be. One of the Hodgepodge questions last week was about being a people pleaser. I'm definitely one of those but I think I'm going to try and please myself more, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
We had a lovely outing on Saturday for my sister-in-law's 60th birthday. All the siblings and their partners met up for a walk (most of them meeting at our house) and then we ended the day with a meal out at a local pop up restaurant near us. Prior to the event though I had quite a chat with one of the younger sisters who had agreed to arrange a collection from the rest of us and organise presents for the birthday girl. She was getting quite stressed because although she had ideas for what to do (including a trip away) she hadn't been able to finalise everything and was worried the rest of us would be cross.
I managed to reassure her that would not be the case if they were all like me and just glad not to have the responsibility. We also agreed that we won't do presents in future once people get past 60. If we make it to 70 or even 80, we'll make do with a get together of some sort. We still have quite a few 60ths to come though so the gift dilemma won't be finished with just yet.
Another instance of pleasing ourselves. No one should be stressing out over buying presents on behalf of other people, although it does make sense to club together to get something worthwhile.
With all these things going on I haven't felt very motivated to blog. It's a bit disconcerting having a disorganised house and not being able to restore some order. Hopefully on Wednesday I'll be able to make a start on moving things out of my bedroom and lounge. Fortunately my son and his wife did take almost all the wedding things that were still here home with them yesterday. We still have a dried flower arrangement as it wouldn't fit in the car but I can live with that a bit longer!
Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts
Monday, 26 September 2016
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
A letter to my children
I have written a letter to my children. It is to be opened on my death. It contains instructions for my funeral.
No I have not been diagnosed with anything life threatening. There is no cause for panic. Hopefully they won't be opening it for a long time yet and I may even have edited it in the meantime.
Some of you may think this is quite morbid. However, having spent time last week assisting my husband and his 7 siblings prepare for his Mum's funeral, which took place on Thursday, I think it's the right thing to do. Maybe if there were less of them it might have been easier. There were lots of opinions to be combined without upsetting anyone. But the closeness they share has given them a combined strength and we got through.
Of course it has still been a difficult time with lots of decisions to be made. Should they provide clothes for her body? What to do with her ashes? Which music to play at the crematorium? That produced a lot of debate. As did if we aren't having flowers and people offer donations, which charity should we nominate? Steering 8 opinions into 1 decision was sometimes easy but often tricky.
Inevitably we were all sad, but this was not a tragic or unexpected death. My MIL was 87 and her life had been happy. Yet still the siblings struggled with the arrangements. There were no instructions. How people cope when a death is sudden or in difficult circumstances I do not know.
It took me back to when I had to arrange my Mother's funeral. I wasn't prepared for the questions. We'd discussed burial v cremation - cremation was favoured. I knew what to do with her ashes. (Have them placed under the same rose bush as my Dad.) I had no answers for other things.
I decided then that I wouldn't put my children (or husband) through the same dilemma. I would make it clear for them. My Mum passed away in 2012 but I hadn't got around to putting pen to paper. Now on the passing of my MIL I have found the determination needed to consider my plans.
I hope that when the time comes it will make it easier for my children.
No I have not been diagnosed with anything life threatening. There is no cause for panic. Hopefully they won't be opening it for a long time yet and I may even have edited it in the meantime.
Some of you may think this is quite morbid. However, having spent time last week assisting my husband and his 7 siblings prepare for his Mum's funeral, which took place on Thursday, I think it's the right thing to do. Maybe if there were less of them it might have been easier. There were lots of opinions to be combined without upsetting anyone. But the closeness they share has given them a combined strength and we got through.
Of course it has still been a difficult time with lots of decisions to be made. Should they provide clothes for her body? What to do with her ashes? Which music to play at the crematorium? That produced a lot of debate. As did if we aren't having flowers and people offer donations, which charity should we nominate? Steering 8 opinions into 1 decision was sometimes easy but often tricky.
Inevitably we were all sad, but this was not a tragic or unexpected death. My MIL was 87 and her life had been happy. Yet still the siblings struggled with the arrangements. There were no instructions. How people cope when a death is sudden or in difficult circumstances I do not know.
It took me back to when I had to arrange my Mother's funeral. I wasn't prepared for the questions. We'd discussed burial v cremation - cremation was favoured. I knew what to do with her ashes. (Have them placed under the same rose bush as my Dad.) I had no answers for other things.
I decided then that I wouldn't put my children (or husband) through the same dilemma. I would make it clear for them. My Mum passed away in 2012 but I hadn't got around to putting pen to paper. Now on the passing of my MIL I have found the determination needed to consider my plans.
I hope that when the time comes it will make it easier for my children.
What's in a week?
A lot can happen in a week and it's been more than that since I've really been here in the blogging world. I haven't even really been keeping up with my friends' sites that much.
Preparing for, and attending a funeral is exhausting. It's not really physically challenging but coping with the emotions of it all take their toll. I'm really tired and now a bug seems to have crept into my system and given me a sore throat and earache. Today is a duvet day. Today is look after me day.
Last week I looked after others. My hubby of course. Although I'm still not convinced he's fully taken in that his Mum has gone. He did really well at her funeral, helping prepare and then read the eulogy. He held it together. As did our 3 children who did the readings. I was worried that they would lose it and not be able to get their words out but they were brilliant. It was also a bit strange in that now they all have their partners to look out for them. My role has somewhat shifted. Which is of course what you wish for them but it's on occasions like these that you notice it.
It was definitely a family affair as the pall bearers were grandsons and other grandchildren did bidding prayers. Nick's sister even managed to sing Panis Angelicus after communion. She has a beautiful singing voice but how she held it together I do not know.
The whole day was definitely a celebration of Maureen, my Mother-in-law's life. And so many people came. The church was full. It was a wonderful recognition of what a lovely person she was. The Priest gave a very moving homily about how Maureen and her departed husband Leo had led by example and how their faith and morals were so evident in the 3 generations that survive them.
Only one grandchild was missing on the day, having just set off on far flung travels. But everyone else was there and we were joined at the wake by so many people whose lives Maureen had touched. If only all funerals could be like that. Of course it was also sad. One son-in-law was sobbing in the crematorium. Maureen had been like a Mother to him.
We left the wake at the end of the afternoon and my own family all came back here for a takeaway. On the Friday we all got together again at Nick's brother's house. We had time then to look through old photos and do some more reminiscing.
It will be strange without Maureen but I'm sure the closeness of the family will continue in her memory and there will be get togethers at anniversary times and so on. Plus of course births and weddings, just hopefully no funerals for a while.
Preparing for, and attending a funeral is exhausting. It's not really physically challenging but coping with the emotions of it all take their toll. I'm really tired and now a bug seems to have crept into my system and given me a sore throat and earache. Today is a duvet day. Today is look after me day.
Last week I looked after others. My hubby of course. Although I'm still not convinced he's fully taken in that his Mum has gone. He did really well at her funeral, helping prepare and then read the eulogy. He held it together. As did our 3 children who did the readings. I was worried that they would lose it and not be able to get their words out but they were brilliant. It was also a bit strange in that now they all have their partners to look out for them. My role has somewhat shifted. Which is of course what you wish for them but it's on occasions like these that you notice it.
It was definitely a family affair as the pall bearers were grandsons and other grandchildren did bidding prayers. Nick's sister even managed to sing Panis Angelicus after communion. She has a beautiful singing voice but how she held it together I do not know.
The whole day was definitely a celebration of Maureen, my Mother-in-law's life. And so many people came. The church was full. It was a wonderful recognition of what a lovely person she was. The Priest gave a very moving homily about how Maureen and her departed husband Leo had led by example and how their faith and morals were so evident in the 3 generations that survive them.
Only one grandchild was missing on the day, having just set off on far flung travels. But everyone else was there and we were joined at the wake by so many people whose lives Maureen had touched. If only all funerals could be like that. Of course it was also sad. One son-in-law was sobbing in the crematorium. Maureen had been like a Mother to him.
We left the wake at the end of the afternoon and my own family all came back here for a takeaway. On the Friday we all got together again at Nick's brother's house. We had time then to look through old photos and do some more reminiscing.
It will be strange without Maureen but I'm sure the closeness of the family will continue in her memory and there will be get togethers at anniversary times and so on. Plus of course births and weddings, just hopefully no funerals for a while.
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