The fog is lifting....

For those of you who've followed me for a while you will know that in the past I've been an "I hate Christmas" type of person.  For various reasons Christmas was always a stressful time of year for me.  Partly because working in a Catholic primary school means Christmas is pretty much forced upon you very early but mainly because the last few years have been hard due to the deterioration of my Mum's health.  Consequently I was always burying my head in the sand and trying to pretend Christmas wasn't coming so that I ended up doing everything at the last minute and giving myself even more stress.  Last year was the first year without Mum so that made it all a bit sad and I was still doing it all last minute.

This year was different.  Maybe because the stress of hosting Christmas was taken away - we all went to Nick's sister's house in Brentwood.  Also we were having our youngest son's girlfriend here from America so I couldn't really be a grinch.  But mostly I think because I felt I could look forward to Christmas without the guilt of enjoying myself while Mum was being taken care of by other people, or just not there anymore.
So yes I think the emotional fog is lifting and as it lifts it's slightly scary to see just how thick and dense it has been.

Christmas was lovely!  And I wasn't doing everything quite at the last minute.  Lots of presents were ordered in advance online.  Cards were written and despatched quite early - no need for any 1st class stamps this year and the overseas ones will hopefully have arrived in time too.  (Many years I've been considering swapping them for New Year cards as I've posted them after the deadline date!)

Although we were dining out there were still some things to be done so Christmas morning was a bit hectic.  We were asked to cook and take a turkey with us, plus a tray of canopes and broccoli.  Trying to fit all that in with church, picking up Rebecca and her partner and present opening was a challenge.  But let me tell you, enough broccoli for 35 leaves a lingering smell in the car!

One thing I didn’t plan in advance was freezer space for the turkey.  I happened to be out shopping one evening and saw that the supermarket had lots of frozen turkeys but only a few really large ones.  I decided to get one while I could.  Driving home I was a little concerned about whether I had space in my freezer.  Well I did – just!  I had to take the bottom drawer out and just cram the turkey in the space.  I advised my husband of this telling him he would need to be careful when opening the freezer in case the turkey jumped out at him.  His response was that he hoped not as it was supposed to be dead!

It was a lovely day though with so many of the extended family together.  39 of us, four generations sat down to dinner.  It was a little cramped but the food was actually hot – a bit of a feat considering the logistics but we work well together. 

One of the highlights of the day was after dinner we had present opening – we had done a secret santa so that we all had something to open and our host Martin dressed up as Father Christmas.  He was quite inebriated by this time and complete with a split in his pants he had us in stitches!

Karaoke completed the day and then most of us crashed out to grab some sleep before starting all over again on Boxing Day.  Being one of the older siblings has its advantages as it guaranteed us a bed.  The youngsters had to haggle for the sofas and floor space.

After a cooked breakfast some of the more energetic people went out for a walk.  We then had a late lunch of turkey broth plus other leftovers.  It was a lovely relaxed day.

All in all definitely a Christmas to remember.

Is it selfish?

Is what selfish?  Committing suicide in a way that has a massive impact on others lives.

This was debated this week because a man fell from a footbridge onto a major road and was hit by a lorry and subsequently died.  So far the man hasn't been named and the assumption is that it was a suicide. The road was closed for some hours and, as it is a major route into London the closure caused traffic chaos.

Several staff members were caught up in the disruption and took much longer to get to work than usual.  A secondary effect was that our menus had to be changed the next day because we did not receive our meat delivery on time due to the same disruption.

It's not actually been confirmed that this was a suicide but it seems likely - the footbridge has a high fence - you wouldn't accidentally fall over it although of course if the person was drunk and messing about anything is possible.  My husband has told me how one night he and some friends walked over a railway road bridge on top of the wall at the sides.  They were drunk and could very easily have fallen on to the train tracks below.  And maybe that would have been reported as a suicide attempt as well instead of druken stupidity.

Getting back to my original point, I don't believe the person committing the act consciously takes into account the effect their actions will have on others.  I'm sure there are some people who take their own lives who are very clear about what they are doing and although their suicide will have a devastating effect on family and friends they choose methods that will not impact the wider community and, God forbid, inconvenience them.

But then there are other, very troubled individuals, who are not thinking clearly enough to consider the effects their actions will have.  People who just feel that taking their own lives is the only solution to whatever situation they may be facing and sometimes an opportunity just presents itself or they may decide how they will end it, possibly by throwing themselves over the side of a bridge onto the road below but I'm not sure they think through the consequences.

It's sad to hear people's comments focused more on how inconvenienced they were rather than how desperate the man must have been feeling at the time and the effect it would have on his family and friends.

On a lighter note we now have another driver in the family - our eldest son passed his driving test this week.  Shame he's now based in Nottingham so no use for lifts anytime soon!

It's raining...rice!

Working in a school is never boring.  This week was a definite reminder of that.  We are currently recruiting for a new Headteacher and on Thursday I had two prospective candidates coming to look around the school.  The first one was due at 1pm so I knew I would have to grab an early lunch but as usual I got bogged down in work.  At about 12.45 I realised the time and went into the dining hall - just at the wrong time.  A couple of boys had been winding another boy up and as I walked in things erupted.  Literally.  Two of the boys jumped up to have a go at one another.  Trouble was they were holding their food trays at the time.

The trays went flying and suddenly it was raining lamb curry and rice.

A member of the lunchtime staff took hold of one boy and, in the absence of any teaching staff, I took the other one out to the Headteacher's office.  What I didn't realise until much later was that some of the curry that had landed on him transferred to me!  The visiting candidate either didn't notice (quite possible as it was a man) or was too polite to mention it!

I managed to get myself cleaned up before the other candidate arrived and also managed to have some lunch thanks to our helpful welfare assistant.  As I was dealing with the raining rice incident I was told that my one o'clock appointment had arrived so I had to ask her to grab me some lunch before everything was cleared away.

So another late lunch, another eventful day.

Oops I did it again

It's hard to know where the last weeks have gone.  I knew I hadn't blogged for a while but was shocked to see how long it had been since my last post when I logged in today!

I haven't even really been following friends' posts either.

Good and bad reasons for that so here's a quick catch up.

The bad was the pain from the neck.  It really pulled me down and I rather lost interest in a lot of things.  The good was that we were away on and off during the summer.  But I'm pleased to say that the neck is much better and although it's not perfect, I'm still doing exercises and watching my posture, I'm relatively pain free now.

So that's a really good thing.

Other good things were our weekend in Loughborough which is where my hubby went to uni.  We met up with a number of people he knew from way back then - 40 years ago since they graduated.  Some were couples who had met at uni but there were others like me - wives or husbands tagging along for the ride.  We had a good time, much drinking and eating was done and the next reunion is already being planned for 2015 in South Africa.

The next trip away was to France to Nick's sister.  The rest of the family went too - it was a belated birthday celebration for one of her boys and a farewell party too.  This year her four boys will be studying in Argentina, USA, Germany and France.  Yes they live in France but even the youngest will be studying away from home during the week and only coming home at weekends.  Bad case of empty nest syndrome going on there!

Our daughter has moved out again, back to the flat she shared before.  Only problem is that as she now has a smaller room, which is good because it's less to rent, it's bad because half her stuff is still here!  But she seems happier so I'm pleased for her.  It was fine having her at home but at 27 she felt the need to move out.

Our eldest son has also moved out - he's now living with his girlfriend in Nottingham.  He's started a graduate scheme with the Department for Transport, training as an accountant.  She has just qualified and started work as a teacher.

So we only have the youngest at home.  His long distance relationship is still going strong - his girlfriend was here during the summer and he's heading over the pond for Thanksgiving.  He has also got a new job which he seems to be enjoying working for Channel 4 in their admin offices for advertising.

We  had a couple of days away on our own in Sussex and then our final trip away during the summer was to a converted oast house in Kent.  This was with Nick's family again and it was lovely.  The house was amazing - 9 bedrooms, all with ensuite bathrooms.  Huge living space, an outside heated swimming pool and tennis court.  We were lucky with the weather and we all enjoyed it so much we've already booked for next year.  I don't think we'll be going camping again any time soon!

Other events during the summer included problems with the cats.  Willow managed to rupture her achilles tendon.  I though initially the vet was trying to tell me that as there was nothing they could do to repair it that she would have to be put down.  However what he went on to advise was ensuring she had complete rest for 3-4 weeks - by keeping her in a cage.  So she spent 4 weeks in a cage large enough for her to be able to sleep eat and .....yes the litter tray fitted in the cage too.  She's now been released and seems to be managing quite well, although she cannot jump very high any more.

Unfortunately we no longer have our other cat Faith.  She was diagnosed with kidney disease a while ago but recently she deteriorated quite rapidly, developing kidney stones and we were left with no choice but to put her to sleep.  One of the hardest things I've had to do but Rebecca was a great support.  

The moral of both those stories is that if we have any pets in future we will make sure they are insured!   

Insurance is a funny thing.  My husband Nick has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea so he now sleeps using a CPAP machine.  He's coping quite well with the machine, better than I thought he would.  One downside though is that he cannot drive at present.  When I rang the insurance company to advise them of this I naively thought this would reduce the amount we paid. I was suprised to find it would cost more - the logic being that two people driving long journeys is better than one.  They clearly haven't driven with my husband recently who I'd have to constantly talk to so that he wouldn't nod off!  Fortunately they agreed to remove him without charging me extra.

So that's the summer round up.  I'm now back at work with lots going on there but for now it's time for bed!