Well I've taken the plunge and signed up for a blog challenge. I would really like to get back into regular blogging and this seems to be a good way of doing so - it works on the basis that you post a blog entry each day during April (except Sundays) working through the letters of the alphabet.
The homepage for this can be found here A-to-Z Challenge
There are lots of bloggers already taking part and this has been running for several years. I'm a bit late signing up so I missed yesterday's reveal day - this is when those taking part would reveal they are taking part and the theme they will be following.
Well my theme will be family and relationships. I've already mapped out most of my letters - some were more challenging than others and I'm still not happy with my choice for A which doesn't bode well. But I do have time on my hands at the moment and hopefully this will fill some of it.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, 24 March 2015
A better day
Yesterday was a better day. I managed to get several things done.
Firstly I did the household chores that needed doing. I also bagged up some jumble for recycling.
I made myself go out to the shopping mall in nearby Ilford. This had two advantages over the well known Westfield at Stratford which is actually nearer. One there was less likelihood of running into people I may know. (Yes my work colleagues would have been at work but there are also 400 plus sets of parents who could be out and about that could recognise me!) Secondly I parked in the Sainsbury's supermarket car park that has a recycling centre. I was able to not only put the jumble bags in the Oxfam recycling bins but also offload the glass bottles we had accumulated. Anyone watching me could be forgiven for thinking I'm an alcoholic. That's the problem with having a house that has lots of storage space - things tend to accumulate. Although I'm sure the wine bottles multiply when left languishing in the cellar waiting to be recycled.
That will be an aim in future - do this more regularly. There are actually recycling bins at the end of my road so I really have no excuse now for not taking a walk up there each week with any bottles/jars we have emptied.
Back to yesterday. The whole point of going to the mall was to get a present for our eldest son. That was achieved quite quickly. Hopefully he will like it but if not or it doesn't fit he can exchange it for something else. I also managed to get some light bulbs for our kitchen. These are ones for the lights under the wall cabinets that light the work surfaces. They are halogen and not available everywhere. They are also fiddly to put in. Once again Nick had been complaining about the lack of extra light but typically hadn't done anything about it! So now there is light! Not sure if he would have noticed if I hadn't told him.
I also managed some time on the Wii and have put together a To Do list for the long term.
Having done all of that and some washing I decided I'd earned some TV time.
I also worked on the plan for the mattresses and we switched them over before bed last night. Nick claims to have slept better, he certainly wasn't awake so early, but he was still complaining of pins and needles in his arms which I think is due to the fact that he often sleeps with his arms above his head. I slept ok too but I did wake once or twice. We'll see how it goes. We also discovered our beds are not all the same size. Our one (which came from IKEA) is an imperial size. so 4 feet 6 inches across. Our other two, which are both the same, are IKEA size. Fortunately it was ok as the IKEA mattress just fits in the frame of our bed thanks to it being quite soft but our mattress is a bit smaller than the other frame it is now in. If we'd been switching them the other way it wouldn't have worked. Not sure that I've explained that very clearly!
So overall a better day. I've decided to try and get up and tidied round each day then blog where possible. Then I'll try and fill the rest of my day productively or not as the mood takes me. I'm a work in progress.
Firstly I did the household chores that needed doing. I also bagged up some jumble for recycling.
I made myself go out to the shopping mall in nearby Ilford. This had two advantages over the well known Westfield at Stratford which is actually nearer. One there was less likelihood of running into people I may know. (Yes my work colleagues would have been at work but there are also 400 plus sets of parents who could be out and about that could recognise me!) Secondly I parked in the Sainsbury's supermarket car park that has a recycling centre. I was able to not only put the jumble bags in the Oxfam recycling bins but also offload the glass bottles we had accumulated. Anyone watching me could be forgiven for thinking I'm an alcoholic. That's the problem with having a house that has lots of storage space - things tend to accumulate. Although I'm sure the wine bottles multiply when left languishing in the cellar waiting to be recycled.
That will be an aim in future - do this more regularly. There are actually recycling bins at the end of my road so I really have no excuse now for not taking a walk up there each week with any bottles/jars we have emptied.
Back to yesterday. The whole point of going to the mall was to get a present for our eldest son. That was achieved quite quickly. Hopefully he will like it but if not or it doesn't fit he can exchange it for something else. I also managed to get some light bulbs for our kitchen. These are ones for the lights under the wall cabinets that light the work surfaces. They are halogen and not available everywhere. They are also fiddly to put in. Once again Nick had been complaining about the lack of extra light but typically hadn't done anything about it! So now there is light! Not sure if he would have noticed if I hadn't told him.
I also managed some time on the Wii and have put together a To Do list for the long term.
Having done all of that and some washing I decided I'd earned some TV time.
I also worked on the plan for the mattresses and we switched them over before bed last night. Nick claims to have slept better, he certainly wasn't awake so early, but he was still complaining of pins and needles in his arms which I think is due to the fact that he often sleeps with his arms above his head. I slept ok too but I did wake once or twice. We'll see how it goes. We also discovered our beds are not all the same size. Our one (which came from IKEA) is an imperial size. so 4 feet 6 inches across. Our other two, which are both the same, are IKEA size. Fortunately it was ok as the IKEA mattress just fits in the frame of our bed thanks to it being quite soft but our mattress is a bit smaller than the other frame it is now in. If we'd been switching them the other way it wouldn't have worked. Not sure that I've explained that very clearly!
So overall a better day. I've decided to try and get up and tidied round each day then blog where possible. Then I'll try and fill the rest of my day productively or not as the mood takes me. I'm a work in progress.
Monday, 23 March 2015
Waffling? Wallowing more likely.
He claims our new mattress is too hard. It certainly is firm and works for me but not for him. We have 3 double beds in our house now and only one being slept in. I've suggested he try out the other two to see if they are better but here's the thing - he uses a CPAP machine plus he needs to have an alarm to get up each morning. The logistics of decamping to another room are defeating him. So we stay on our new mattress and he complains. Often.
I have a plan - I will prepare for us to swap the mattresses over tonight. No disconnecting of alarms, machines, coping with the wrong height bedside tables. Oh no, just the lugging around of two mattresses! Just as soon as I get myself off this one.
Actually I have to be up and ready to face the world by 11 today as I have a shopping delivery due between 11 and 12. I shouldn't really be complaining, I have had breakfast in bed. 7.30 was a bit early for my liking, oops I'm complaining again. Hubby was up early and has already left for work.
I think he is beginning to envy my current life of leisure. He could retire next month but has no plans to do so. He will probably do another year or two to boost his pension but that may change.
My plans for the future are very vague at present as in there are no plans. I have vague intentions - there are lots of jobs to do in the house. I'd like to get back into crafting. I want to do more blogging. I may have to find another job. The only thoughts I have on that subject is that it will need to be something with little or no responsibilities and one where I can turn up, do what is required and then go home.
For now I'm wallowing. Doing what I fancy, even if that's just watching crap TV, playing pointless Interrnet games or watching the day go by. * I have decided there can be no more duvet days. There were a few of those when this episode in my life began but that is my goal at present, No more duvet DAYS. I aim to be adding to that goal as time goes on, I don't think I'm a complete basket case - yet. And I am keeping on top of every day chores, washing, cleaning etc.
Someone did suggest I should take on the cooking now that I'm home all day but that was one step too far. Besides hubby loves to cook. I have no plans to change that arrangement.
I might try and do more varied writing. I've looked at a couple of challenges that Cynthia posted links for but I'm not sure I'm ready for a sustained challenge just yet. It is nice though to have the time to read though posts and correct any errors and avoid text speak etc before publishing them, rather than just bashing something out and posting it without a second glance.
I'm a bit like that with text messages too. I very rarely use abbreviations. Why use one word when I can say the same thing with ten? Well I think I'm back to waffling now so time to get up.
Saturday, 21 March 2015
The world went dark
Yes there's was an eclipse but I didn't see it. Firstly it was too overcast in London and secondly I wasn't even out of bed at the time.
The world went dark is a good way of referring to my life at the moment. I am currently signed off sick due to work related stress. Add in high blood pressure, tinnitus and a dash of depression and this is not likely to be a cheerful read. Those of a delicate disposition should probably change channels now.
This has been a long time coming but the straw that broke this camel's back was particularly nasty. I was shocked and horrified by actions taken by people in positions of power although truthfully the writing had been on the wall for a while.
On the advice of my GP I have removed myself from the situation. But it is hard. I am angry and frustrated because I feel like the bullies have won but am currently in no state to fight them. Everything is overwhelming and the worst thing is the sense of being out of control has allowed the toilet demon to rear its ugly head again.
For those who don't know, the toilet demon is the monster that says in my head "you'll need the toilet" whenever I'm confronted with a situation where that might be tricky so things like using public transport, sitting in the middle of a theatre row, going for a walk in the forest. When the demon was really on the loose he could cause full blown panic attacks. He's only whispering at the moment but just the fact he's awake is bad enough.
I have been referred to talking therapy and have been to a couple of sessions on "improving your mood" but I'm not finding it very helpful. Hopefully the individual sessions I'm waiting for will be more useful. The trouble is I know what I should be doing but it's easier to take the path of least resistance.
Fortunately I have a friend and former work colleague who is in a similar situation so we are our own support network. We meet up at least once a week, sometimes just the two of us or with other retired ex colleagues.
There are lots of things I could be doing but being off sick makes you feel like you shouldn't be enjoying yourself or be seen out and about although of course mental health issues are often an invisible illness. I have been trying to get out for a walk when I can and I've managed to do that twice this week. I've also knitted half a tea cosy. My son and his partner thoughtfully bought me some magazines. One included some wool and patterns. Another included cookie cutters and recipes. I'll need to do a deal with myself - earn any cookies made by walking!
I'm sure this phase will pass. It's not all doom and gloom - our daughter is getting married in October so positive thoughts, the demon needs to be back in his box long before then.
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