Y is for Yellow

This year I decided not to tie myself to a theme.  I wanted to do something that felt more like writing rather than composing posts.  I didn’t want it to be a story that had to be followed from start to finish so what I’ve ended up with are: “Conversations in my Head”.

My hair IS NOT YELLOW!

Alice can you please stop shouting.  And what do you mean your hair is not yellow.

I’ve seen the pictures.  The drawings of me.  My hair is shown as being yellow!  No one has yellow hair.

Well some people might actually have yellow hair Alice and of course yours is a lovely shade of blonde I think.

You think?  What do you mean you think?

Well Alice as you’re in my head and not real your hair could be anything I want it to be.  Sometimes I think of it as being short, dark and VERY curly!

No, no, no!  It’s blonde, and long and just a bit wavy.      

Absolutely.  But illustrations in books for children are often not totally realistic.  Characters are often beautiful and flawless or the opposite.  Middle ground doesn’t sell books too well.

Now you’ve interrupted my beauty sleep Alice so can you leave me alone for a bit now?

No.  You have to look after Rory today so you need to be up.

Oh yes.  How could I forget?

That’s what happens when you get old.  And have to dye your hair so that people think you’re less old than you really are.  If people saw your hair in its natural state they would think you are ancient.

Thanks for the vote of confidence Alice.  It’s hard work maintaining your looks as you get older.    And my hair is one of the few concessions I make to trying to look younger.

Well I guess that’s true.  All the other bits of you are natural at least.  And your teeth are still your own.

Alice do you have to remind me of things I’d rather not look forward to, like false teeth?

And the creaking bones?  Although I think you already have some of those.

I certainly do Alice.

And the ……

Enough Alice.  I don’t need to be reminded about the downside of growing old.  Today I’m going to concentrate on the plus side – being retired and spending time with my Grandchildren.  And Rory, whose hair might also be classed as yellow.

My hair IS NOT YELLOW!

 
Now, now, Alice.  I heard you the first time.

 

X is for X rated & X rays

This year I decided not to tie myself to a theme.  I wanted to do something that felt more like writing rather than composing posts.  I didn’t want it to be a story that had to be followed from start to finish so what I’ve ended up with are: “Conversations in my Head”.

Please!

No Alice!

Pretty please!

Which part of no do you not understand Alice.  We are not writing an X-rated post.  How could we?  You’re only 7 so you shouldn’t even know what X-rated means.

Of course I’m not 7.  I’ve been around for over 150 years.   I’m ancient.  And I’m privy to all the thoughts that go through your mind, so even if I was a 7 year old, I’d be a totally corrupt one.

All my thoughts?

Yes even the ones you’d rather I didn’t hear.  Especially when you’re cross with me.  And don’t even think about trying to filter some of them out.  It won’t work.  I can see straight through you.  It’s like I have x-ray vision into your brain.

Goodness Alice that it is scary.  Good thing you can’t talk.  Well at least not out loud and to other people than me.  You could really get me into trouble.

Don’t worry.  I’m working on it.  Anyway let’s talk about the alternative for X – x-rays.  How many have you had?

Oh I don’t know.  Quite a few.  There were many when I had my bunions corrected.  Before and after.   Then there were a couple of my head when I got hit with bats.  A pelvic one after I had the difficult birth with Rebecca.

Was that the one that got lost?

Yes.  We didn’t discover that until I was already pregnant with Matthew so it was a case of “well we’ll let you go into labour and see how things go.”  Not very reassuring but it turned out okay in the end.

Apart from his big head?

Well that was nothing to do with the x-ray or lack of it.  Or the delivery.  He just had a big head.  Of course he’ll maintain he needs it for all his brain!

He doesn’t take after you then?

He’s more like me than the other two I’ll have you know Alice.  And there is a brain in my head although sometimes it feels like it’s being squeezed out by an annoying parasite!

Charming.

Anyway where was I?  Oh yes I’ve had a few x-rays after falls but nothing broken fortunately.  And then there are the dental x-rays.

You seem to struggle with those.

Yes well apparently I don’t have a wide jaw opening so it’s a struggle to get the films in and in the right position.  Nothing wrong with my gag reflex though.

T.M.I.

You are so contrary Alice.  One minute you’re telling me you hear my every thought, then when I’m talking about my gag reflex it’s too much information.

I wonder if you’d show up on an x-ray.

I have no intention of letting you find out!

Spoilsport.